Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize