I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
