Swine flu. Run for my life!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
