I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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