aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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