Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We need to rekindle our bromance
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
