Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
