Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
