I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im holly from the hills drunk
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
