do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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