Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
