Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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