Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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