My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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