Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
