I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
