Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
