I haven't been this sober since birth.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
