Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

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(727): View more from Florida

Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star

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