He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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