He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
