My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
