Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
