I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
