Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
