just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
