we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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