We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
