Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
