I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
