The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize