Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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