you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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