how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I lost the right to judge tonight
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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