every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize