i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
