I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
