Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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