Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
