Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His nipple licking is glorious
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