I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
as a side note pls kill me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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