HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
