I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
