So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize