Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
