this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
