I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
