The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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