And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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