I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
