No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
