i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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