she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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