Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
