i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
