the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
