I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
