i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
