I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
