Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
3 2 1 whiskey
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize