like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
