i just sent this text using only my big toe
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
