if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
