What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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