Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
